Have I Done Any Good?

I catch myself complaining about all the obligations and pressures I feel.  So many challenges, and opposition, I feel other people are being selfish and I start to complain.  It isn’t until I hear the same things coming from others that i realize just how self-absorbed I had been.  So the hymn comes to mind “Have I Done Any Good”.  I love the first 4 lines of the 1st verse.  If I haven’t done something to help another, then I have failed.  This song helps me to forget myself and think of what good I can do for someone else.  We have become so busy lately.  Are we busy giving service? or satisfying our own desires? 

1. Have I done any good in the world today?
Have I helped anyone in need?
Have I cheered up the sad and made someone feel glad?
If not, I have failed indeed.
Has anyone’s burden been lighter today
Because I was willing to share?
Have the sick and the weary been helped on their way?
When they needed my help was I there?

[Chorus]
Then wake up and do something more
Than dream of your mansion above.
Doing good is a pleasure, a joy beyond measure,
A blessing of duty and love.

2. There are chances for work all around just now,
Opportunities right in our way.
Do not let them pass by, saying, “Sometime I’ll try,”
But go and do something today.
’Tis noble of man to work and to give;
Love’s labor has merit alone.
Only he who does something helps others to live.
To God each good work will be known.

Text and music: Will L. Thompson, 1847–1909, alt.

Mini Movie Review: Zombieland

Last night, Koki and I went on a date since he just got back from his week and a half road trip with the BYUH men’s soccer team.  We decided to go see Zombieland.  

So here’s my mini movie review.  Basically, these are my opinions of the movie and I am entitled to my own opinions so don’t judge me!  *clears throat* Okay, now that we have that out of the way…

You will hear the F-word and every other swear word throughout the entire film.

There is no sex, but are references to it.

There is a scene in the opening credits of a zombie woman chasing a man outside of an adult club who appears to have been a stripper and she’s wearing nothing but a panty and a covering just big enough to hide her nipples, and I believe there were tassels on them. EW!

There is quite a bit of gore, again this is my opinion.  I guess you can call me a pansy, but I thought it was quite a lot and disturbing, not to mention disgusting.

There is drug use in this movie.

There is, obviously, violence.

Let me cut to the end.  There were several times throughout when I wanted to walk out of the movie.  This was not a movie worth the money or time.  Just blah.  That’s all I can say.  But I can say that it left me hungry for twinkies.  I love twinkies!

That’s my mini movie review!

Memories of past humiliations re-lived in a few split seconds….

Tonight, at Tayla’s birthday party, Tehani was playing and laughing, and jumping around at the Jungle House.  She was loving all the attention that she was getting, but I was afraid that she was getting too loud so I tried to tell her to stop, but she just wasn’t hearing me, so I rose my voice and that was my big mistake.  Tehani started crying and it wasn’t just one of those bratty cries, it was a real cry.  I recognized it right away and it brought me back to the days when I was attention starved from my brothers and their friends, and all I wanted was to be a part of their company and instead of being welcomed in, I was humiliated and made fun of by my brothers.  I felt terrible!  She had begun to cry uncontrollably from the get-go and all because I was afraid of what others might think.  I thought, maybe they won’t understand that she’s showing her confidence and she just got comfortable with them and I, her mother, just brought her down from that.  I clearly remember feeling the humiliation and that’s something I have never stopped fearing.  I’ve learned to deal with it a bit, or hide it, but I haven’t fully let go of it.  UGH!  I’m pissed off with myself!  I just think there was a better way of handling that situation and I chose to be the jerk!  I just feel I’m being counter-productive.  That all of this upbringing will just backfire on me and I would have failed.  That’s normal, I think.  I doubt I’m the only one who thinks that way.  My poor Tehani.  I’m sorry.  I’m really sorry.

The Man With The Magnifying Glass

That man there, with the magnifying glass,

why he held that magnifying glass

up against me.

Said I looked fat,   and lazy.

And I, being the timid girl that I am,

hung my head and cried and spoke not a word in defiance.

He followed me around, that man,

made sure I didn’t escape his investigation.

He said to me, “you’re weak, a pushover -

you come from bad breeding.

You know nothing about life, or how to

find REAL success in the world.

You try to achieve great things in vain,

because you are weak, untalented, and plain.

You lack common sense, the common sense a person

needs to get ahead in this world. 

You’re going nowhere fast, but it’s not all your fault.

You come from bad breeding.”

All these things he said to me.

I shrunk lower and lower

with every blow.

I asked myself, who is this man, that loathes me so?

What did I do to deserve such close scrutiny?

It was at that moment that I remembered what my father

taught me long ago.

That the man with the magnifying glass will showcase

everyone else’s faults to hide his own.

He will bring others down in despair,

to lift himself up.

And I looked at that man, and I saw him for what he really was.

A man not proud of who he was, who felt that life had dealt him unfairly,

who felt like a failure for not making his mark on the world.

And I feel sorry for him that he won’t own up to his own weaknesses

and make them his strengths.

The Times When I Just Want To Break Down And Cry

• When I’ve only had 3 hours of sleep in 48 hours, lessons to prepare, a class to teach, a daughter to look after, and a hubby to keep happy, and no time or place to just wind down, then I feel I like breaking down and crying.
• When I’ve lost my temper with my Tehani, and I scare her or hurt her, glimpses of my own past play out behind my eyes and I begin to cry.
• When I’m craving some “me” time and I really need it, but can’t get it, or am afraid to ask for it, for fear of hearing complaints that would just send me over the edge and bring out the worst inside of me.
• When I’m left to do things on my own without help or support from some of the key people in my life, then I feel abandoned and I pitch myself into a defeated state and wallow in self-pity and cry out of anger, embarrassment, self-pity, and just because I’m exhausted.

When I experience these things on a regular basis, I get exhausted.  I’m just looking for a little relief here and there, someone to ease the burden a little, and there’s only so much other's can do for me.  I just have to press forward and try to handle these moments with a little more grace and patience.

The Power of a Woman

Women, never underestimate the power of your influence for good, especially over the children and youth.  We are raising the next generation!  What a HUGE responsibility.  The future is dependent on the lessons and examples we give them. 

“There is a saying that big gates move on small hinges. Sisters, your example in seemingly small things will make a big difference in the lives of our young people. The way you dress and groom yourselves, the way you talk, the way you pray, the way you testify, the way you live every day will make the difference. This includes which TV shows you watch, which music you prefer, and how you use the Internet. If you love to go to the temple, the young people who value your example will also love to go. If you adapt your wardrobe to the temple garment and not the other way around, they will know what you consider important, and they will learn from you”. (The Influence of Righteous Women by President Dieter F. Uchtdorf Second Counselor in the First Presidency)

We not only have a powerful influence on the future generations.  We influence for good today, to make life sweet today, to give contentment to the heart today, to bring salvation today”. 

Confessions of a Seminary Teacher

I had the entire week to prepare for my seminary week this week, and I got nowhere fast!  It’s hard for me to get much done in our house.  There’s no peace and quiet, and there’s always something that needs to be done.  Even though most of the time, the mess is left to build up, still, I can’t feel productive in this place.  The tv is constantly blaring and I try to spend time with Tehani, and make sure she gets what she needs.  So, I tried to pull a lesson together based on what I read and learned, but I couldn’t keep the lesson within the time frame we’re alloted, so I ended up just using a lesson suggestion from our teacher’s manual.  So last night, I restarted my lesson around 10 and worked on it until 2:30am putting everything together, making my visuals, and all. 

Today’s lesson wasn’t a total failure, but I wouldn’t call it acceptable.  I felt the students weren’t engaged in the lesson.  I feel they look at me and think that I’m weird, and boring, and they don’t like me.  AAAAHHHH!  I need some time to myself.  A LOT of time so I can prepare a good lesson and figure out the best way to deliver it.  I feel like I’m useless as their teacher sometimes.  And I fear that they compare me to their past teachers.  I need some peace and quiet, but as I write, Tehani is sitting on my back, squirming, and disturbing my peace with her requests that I dance with her. 

 

I just want to get some sleep right about now.  BUT!  I have to put a lesson together for tomorrow. 

 

Here goes…